# Understanding Engineers



## TJacobs (Jan 12, 2011)

Understanding Engineers #1



Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."


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## TJacobs (Jan 12, 2011)

Understanding Engineers #2



To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


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## TJacobs (Jan 12, 2011)

Understanding Engineers #3



A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." 

He said, "Hello, George. What's wrong with that group ahead of us? 

They're rather slow, aren't they?" The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. 

That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"


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## TJacobs (Jan 12, 2011)

Understanding Engineers #4



What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? 

Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.


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## TJacobs (Jan 12, 2011)

Understanding Engineers #5



The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"


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## TJacobs (Jan 12, 2011)

Understanding Engineers #6



Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. 

Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"


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## TJacobs (Jan 12, 2011)

Understanding Engineers #7



Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.


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## TJacobs (Jan 12, 2011)

Understanding Engineers #8



An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him 

and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent 

over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful 

princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out 

of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay 

with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the engineer 

took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a 

beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do 

anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm 

an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - 

now that's cool."


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## Coug Dad (Jan 12, 2011)

> Understanding Engineers #2To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


No, the proper safety factor has been applied.


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## Dr. J (Jan 12, 2011)

A priest, a revolutionary, and an engineer were brought to the guillotine.  The priest was to be executed first, but when the handle was pulled, the blade hung up and did not perform it's function.  The Laws of the State required that the priest be set free, since it would be inhumane to keep trying.  The Priest said "Praise the Lord!" and was set free.

The revolutionary was next, and the device failed again.  As he was set free, he said "Viva la revolution!".

When the engineer was brought to the guillotine, he said "It looks like this lever needs lubrication."


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## FyrBldgGuy (Jan 12, 2011)

True Story...

I was training a young fire inspector how to inspect a fire suppression system.  We were standing near a sprinkler riser.  Next to the riser was a low pressure steam pipe used for heating.

A mechanical engineer walked up and took a look at the pressure gauge on the steam pipe.  It displayed 15 psi.  The mechanical engineer wanted to check the guage so he began to unscrew the gauge.

In a loud voice I told the young inspector that we needed to stay a little longer so that we could provide medical assistance to the engineer.

Stopping to think, the engineer again looked at the gauge (15 psi) and began to screw the gauge back into the fitting.  The engineer quickly left the building.

Lesson learned... stay at least 10 feet away from engineers working on low pressure steam systems; stay at least 50 feet from engineers working on high pressure steam systems.


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## peach (Jan 12, 2011)

What? you guys don't like engineers?  wow.. who would have figured..   BUT.. these are really funny.. snow day for you too, TJ?


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## peach (Jan 12, 2011)

We got like a flake of snow here.. so it was everyone's imperative to have car crashes... but I braved the "storm" and went to work today.


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## FyrBldgGuy (Jan 13, 2011)

I like engineering jokes, but then I became an engineer.  I would rather hear Architect jokes.


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## mmmarvel (Jan 13, 2011)

FyrBldgGuy said:
			
		

> I like engineering jokes, but then I became an engineer.  I would rather hear Architect jokes.


But Architect jokes aren't nearly as funny.  Oh, and sorry about hearing that you became an engineer.


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## mmmarvel (Jan 13, 2011)

Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said.

Manager: "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job"

Murphy: "And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!"

Manager: "We have made our decisions not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."

Murphy: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?"

Manager: "Simple, the American put down on question #5, "I don't know.", You put down "Neither do I."


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## FM William Burns (Jan 13, 2011)

FBG,

Now that was one of the best ones I've read in quite a while...I can relate and still cracking up.


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## TJacobs (Jan 13, 2011)

FyrBldgGuy said:
			
		

> I like engineering jokes, but then I became an engineer. I would rather hear Architect jokes.


I heard the difference between an architect and an engineer is the engineer is an architect without a personality...


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## High Desert (Jan 13, 2011)

As told to me by a local engineer:

"What's the difference between an introverted engineer and and extroverted engineer"?

"An extroverted looks at your shoes when he talks to you."

Now that's real engineer humor.


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## beach (Jan 13, 2011)

> I like engineering jokes, but then I became an engineer. I would rather hear Architect jokes.


Last week I couldn't even spell enjinear....... now I are one!


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## Mac (Jan 13, 2011)

"Home is where you hang your architect"

_Claire Booth Luce_


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## FyrBldgGuy (Jan 13, 2011)

My understanding is that an engineer tends to use standard scales, generally straight lines, and tends to think linear.  An engineers color choice is similar to the 16 Colors in the standard Crayon Box.

An Architect avoids straight lines, tends to believe it is better if drawn as a schematic design, scales are general, and standard colors are never used in any design.


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## Yikes (Jan 13, 2011)

Back in my college days at the School of Architecture and Environmental Design, the roap map was thus:

An engineering graduate knows a lot about a few things, and as he matures, he knows everything about nothing.

An architectural graduate knows a little about a lot of things, and as he matures, he knows nothing about everything.

City / Regional Planners know a little about a few things, and eventually they know nothin' about nothin'.


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## Architect1281 (Jan 14, 2011)

Being old enough to have watched Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show at one point he was interviewing a young Howie Mandell.

JC:  So Howie I hear you were studying engineering at MIT is that true.

HM: Yes it was but I just like the idea of standup comedy.

JC: Well isn'yt that a bit of a disappointmet to your parents?

HM: Well mom its prett cool with it; she says she would rather Laugh at a joke I told than walk across a bridge I'd designed.


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## Architect1281 (Jan 14, 2011)

"Doctors bury their mistakes, Architects cover them with ivy." - Frank Lloyd Wright

Or they submit them for awards and hope nobody notices - ME


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